your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
