Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
