Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
