So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
