i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
