If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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