there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
