I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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