Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
