I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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