you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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