i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
