We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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