Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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