Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Slut skills are useful in every country.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
