Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
