RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
