Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize