I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
