She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just threw up on my dentist
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
