Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize