How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize