I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I love you. Go after that dick
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