I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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