I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
