my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
