my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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