Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize