ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
