i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
