70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
