New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
