sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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