i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
