I just cut my nipple shaving
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
