need another drink. this is the easiest way
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
