i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
