just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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