i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
