Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
