my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
