Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
