running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
