He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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