you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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