I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize