just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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