I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
