Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
