Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
why is half of my head shaved?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
