I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
