Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
NoShamevember. You game?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
