I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
