I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
