I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
