Im at strip club and am horny
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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