I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
