Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
