guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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