The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
