K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize