Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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