You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
